A Valentine's Day to Remember
by bleachUlquiGrimm
Summary: It's definitely a Valentine's Day Zelda will remember when she agrees to go out with Vaati. But with a jealous Link in tow, only trouble is bound to follow. See how Vaati tries to convince Zelda he's the right choice while Link reminds her that he isn't.
1. Chapter 1

**Yay. Tomorrow is the Day of Love -cue harp music- **

**Here's how I'm going to do this. The first chapter will be up today, but the rest of chapters are for tomorrow. Just consider it a 'teaser' kind of thing. Yay taunting you guys!**

**WARNING: This story is KrAzY**

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Vaati was in the middle of his usual morning routine that was reading a whole volume of books before breakfast. Included in the ritual was boarding up the door and windows, killing anyone who may slip past the latter, and an occasional evil laugh for a job well done, killing the minion. Vaati was on his sixth book already when yet another minion came to knock on the door. The purple-gray Wind Mage rolled his red eyes. _If that minion gets in here, _he thought, _I'm blowing him up_. The minion, however, could not get in and settled and banging on the door needlessly whilst making various miscellaneous noises, many which sounded like baby animals caught in a blender. Finally, Vaati could not take it anymore. He threw his book down on the ground carefully, and he went to the door to see what was so possibly important that he must be disturbed at this time of day. The pig-faced minion ceased his noise-making when Vaati opened the thick, wooden door.

"What the bloody hell do you want!" Vaati yelled. The minion began a horribly choreographed dance. Vaati watched skeptically. Then the minion took a bow signaling he was finished. He also snorted. Vaati gasped.

"That's _today_?" He put his hands onto his face. How could he forget today of all days? It was such a miscalculation on his part. Who knew this day could come so fast? It must be a paradox of some sort. Vaati's continuous circle pacing was starting to wear the floor down. The minion coughed into his hand; Vaati snapped out of it.

"You're right, useless minion. I haven't any time to waste!" Vaati sped down the hall.

Dark Link was walking in the opposite direction of Vaati sucking on a black sucker. Vaati sped by him almost knocking him down. The Dark Being scoffed.

"What's your big rush,Gay-Boy?"

The very idea that Dark Link thought he could disrespect him in his own castle was absurd! Vaati turned around angrily facing Dark Link with clenched teeth.

"I'm sorry. What did you call me?"

"Gay. So anyway, what's the big rush?" Dark Link asked again. It was amazing how he couldn't feel even a pinch of guilt. Vaati figured he might as well tell him.

"It's Valentine's Day, and I wanted to do something special for Zelda that would convince her that I'm the better choice."

Dark said nothing at first. He was surprisingly quiet. Vaati was sure Dark would have made a big fuss about the whole. Dark Link burst out laughing. Tears already started to make themselves present on the Dark Being's laughing face.

"Are you done yet?"

Dark Link shook his head. He was practically choking on his laughs. Vaati waited impatiently. Dark Link's laughter subsided after three more minutes. He took a deep breath before speaking.

"Dude, there are two things wrong with that plan. One, Zelda hates your guts. Two, I was down at Hyrule, and Link is planning on spending the whole day with her."

"WHAT?" Vaati yelled. "Why have I been wasting time with you! I have to go!" Vaati went back to sprinting down the hall. Dark Link shook his head as he watched the foolish purple boy go.

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Link came out of the flower shop holding a bundle of red roses. They smelled divine, a sort of sweet-bitter mix. Link looked at the dew-dropped flowers. Wait. Would Zelda be mad if he gave her red roses, roses that symbolized love? Maybe he should get her yellow roses. Yeah, some nice friendship roses, but Link did like Zelda a lot. Link pondered his decision. As if called on by name, Malon passed the store with a cart of her famous Lon Lon Milk. She saw Link and smiled.

"Hi Link!"

"Hi Malon. Could I ask you a question?"

"Sure you can! Today is the day of love, so I'm doing anything for anybody!" Her smile was as bright as the sun; Link had to look away.

"Suuuure, so I was wondering, let's say I know this girl-"

"I'm a girl!" She giggled. Link made a face at her.

"Another girl," he said quickly. Malon's face went blank. "Okay, Malon, let's say there was this girl and I really liked her but she doesn't like me in the same way."

"Okay, I gotcha'! Another girl with feelings…"

"Yes…um, would I get her red roses for love or yellow for friendship?"

"OOH! I LOVE RED!" She jumped up and down excitedly. Link was instantly starting to regret asking for her help. Malon squealed.

"You should get both! Then it's like saying I'm you friend, but I wish to be more than that!" She kept jumping up and down. Link smiled. That was actually a pretty good idea considering who it was coming from but a very good idea nonetheless!

At the same time, Link was speaking with Malon, Vaati had transported himself to the flower shop. He took the owner and stuffed him in the back room, bound and gagged. Then very quickly, Vaati fashioned a disguise to wear. It was an ingenious plan he had formed. Link would come in for red roses, and well, he would be in for a surprise. Vaati chuckled to himself. He silenced himself when Link came back into the store. Vaati focused on the red roses in his hand.

"Um, sir, I know I was just in here, but I need some yellow roses too please."

"Agh! Yellow! What are you some kind of cheap sunnuva bitch?" Vaati faked a crazy accent.

"Excuse me?"

"You want to impress girl on day of love, you take her orange roses! They good luck with women! Very good! Mix with red, look bootifuel!"

"Oh thanks…" Link took the roses when Vaati shoved them at him. He smiled timidly. Vaati smiled devilishly.

"Now off with you! Impress your girl, little green boy!" Vaati called when Link left. He was out of sight now, so Vaati took off his fake moustache and beard and laughed loudly and evilly.

"Sir?" Link poked his head into the door. Vaati hurriedly put his disguise back on.

"Yes? What? I told you to go!"

"Well, I realized I forgot to pay you for the roses…"

"THEY ARE FREEE! GO NOW!" Vaati snapped. Link gulped and left with a quick, "yes, sir!" Vaati wiped his brow with the back of his hand. Surely it was okay to remove his disguise now. He went into the back where the shop owner was still tied up.

"Hey, buddy, I made a sale." Vaati said. The shop owner smiled through the gag. "Free of charge!" Vaati laughed. The shop keeper wriggled around screaming horrified yells. Vaati exited the shop still laughing, wearing another disguise, and trailing Link who surprisingly was not fazed by the laughing.

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**Now you have to wait for another 8 hours or so. I get up early :P**

**Oh, yeah, I couldn't resist making Malon ditzy. She seems like she would be ditzy unless you're talking to her about farm work or singing!  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Yay. Today is the Day of Love -cue falling rose petals- **

**WARNING: This story is KrAzY**

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Link arrived at Hyrule Castle with the bundle of roses in his left hand. He was having trouble with his breathing right now. He tried to control it as he walked into the castle past the guards who knew him so well. Vaati continued to trail Link. He told the guards he was with Link. More surprisingly, none of the guards checked to see if that was actually the truth.

Link knocked on Princess Zelda's door. He heard her musical voice from the inside telling him to wait just a second. He decided he could use this time to steady himself. His breathing was still out of control, and his hands were starting to sweat. _Come on Link, you can do this. It's just Zelda, old friend, victim of many kidnappings, you can do it! _He tried to pump himself up. Vaati watched from around the corner excited to see the outcome of this. The door opened revealing Princess Zelda wearing a lovely red dress, undoubtedly Valentine's Day themed. Both Link and Vaati stared in awe at the lovely figure of the pure maiden. Vaati recovered first.

"Hi Link." Zelda said.

"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…I mean-! H-hi Zelda, er, Princess Zelda," Link suppressed his feeling of hyperventilation. Zelda laughed at him.

"Link, you don't have to be so formal. I mean, we are friends."

"Of course! F-friends, I knew that." Link laughed nervously. He cleared his throat. Zelda rolled her eyes but smiled.

"Would you like to come in?"

"Love to."

They went into the room, and shut the door behind them. Vaati rushed over to the door and put his ear up to it. He listened to them chatter. _Come on Greenie, give her those roses, _Vaati thought.

"Zelda…I have some roses for you…" he heard Link say. Vaati was heating up with anticipation. This was it! He listened more. First, there was the rustle of the flowers when Link handed them to her. Zelda gasped. Vaati pressed his ear tighter against the door. SMACK!

"Link you animal!" She yelled. Vaati silently cheered outside of the door. He imitated the dance his minion did for him this morning he was so excited. Two guards walked by at that moment.

"Ick, what a horribly choreographed dance." Once said. The other just nodded. Vaati lifted his hand and killed them with a fatal electric shock. He ran away from the door when he heard footsteps. Zelda threw the door open, storming out of the room with a red face.

"Zelda, I didn't know!" Link yelled.

"Oh, Mr. Flower Power doesn't know that orange roses means overwhelming passion!"

"No, I _didn't_ know! And I'm not Mario!"

"Oh, so now I don't know who you are either!"

"No, what? Wait. Zelda!"

"That's it Link! I am leaving! NOW!" Zelda stormed down the castle halls, past the guards playing cards instead of patrolling the grounds, and exited the castle. She walked in any direction she pleased.

"Princess Zelda," Vaati appeared to her. Zelda forgot her anger for a moment to scowl at the unwelcome Wind Mage. Vaati smiled.

"Don't look at me like that. I haven't come to kidnap or suck your power if that's what you're getting at."

"Then why are you here Vaati?" She asked suspiciously.

"Why I'm just here wandering around alone on Valentine's Day. Look at that, you're alone too. What a coincidence."

Zelda was repulsed by the very image of spending time with Vaati. He was…weird to say the least. Then again, she took a second look at him, he did have his moments when he was a bit more well-behaved than Link. She had to admit, he was cute too. No! No, Zelda must not think such things. She had to marry Link. He was the honorable Hero. What would people think if she walked down the aisle with a giant eyeball disguised as a Hylian? They would think she was weird and gross and…and…cheap. Bleh! No way would Zelda be forced on that!

Vaati watched dumbfounded the many expressions that passed on Zelda's face. Most of them he couldn't recognize because her face was so twisted up. What could she possible be thinking about? He could conjure up a quick mind reading spell. Resist Vaati, trust is one of the most important factors in a relationship. Vaati calmed down and watched as even stranger expressions scrunched Zelda's face. Finally, she took a deep breath.

"Alright, Vaati, I'll give you a chance, but try anything funny, and I'll transform into Shiek so fast and beat you up, your head will explode!"

Vaati unfortunately didn't hear anything past "alright Vaati…" That's all he needed to hear because it meant she was giving him a chance. This could be the big day when all of his dreams come true! He was so excited he was bouncing in place. Zelda rolled her eyes. It was going to be a long day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Yay. Today is the Day of Love -cue delicious chocolate- **

**WARNING: This story is KrAzY**

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Link was on his way back to the rose shop to give an earful to the old, crazy man who had told him orange roses were a good idea. How dare he sell things like that to customers! Link finally arrived at the shop. His roses were bent, torn, and crumpled from where Zelda had beaten him with them. There was no one in the store. Link thought it was rather suspicious someone would sell him flowers and then disappear. This place was definitely going to be government checked later.

All of a sudden, a muffled yell brought Link out of his ideas of suing the store. He went to the back where the shop owner was tied up and gagged. Link quickly cut the ropes. The old man thanked him at least ten times.

"Sir, who did this to you?" Link asked.

"It was some purple boy! He said something about love, and he sold a bundle of roses for free! The madness!"

"It's Sparta."

"What?"

"I mean…that's awful! I'll catch him, sir!" Link went out of the shop. When he got out, he was steaming. So Vaati was behind that embarrassing thing with the roses. Maybe Link should have studied up more on roses' symbolism, but it was mainly Vaati's fault! Link was going back to the castle to see if Zelda had returned when he saw something that made him fall flat on his face. Zelda was with Vaati!

Link got onto his feet again. It was true. Vaati and Zelda were walking through the shopping square smiling and laughing. He totally stole her from him! Link blushed. Of course he meant Zelda was in terrible danger. Link decided he should probably trail them, but Zelda was probably still mad at him too. What to do? They were getting farther away, and Zelda was _still_ laughing! It couldn't hurt to follow them, could it? His eyes shifted back and forth. Of course not! So, Link started following the two of them sneakily.

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Vaati couldn't believe how easy this was. He should have just asked her out years ago. It would have saved him from all of the sword wounds that still wouldn't bloody go away! Calm, he was calm. Zelda sighed.

"So, Vaati, have any other funny stories?"

"The time you foiled my plan to have Link thrown in jail," He reminded her.

"Oh yeah! I remember, that was funny," She laughed. "Didn't you have to go to anger management?"

"And Ganondorf was in my same class." He smiled.

"OMG!" She laughed. Vaati looked up to the Goddesses. He didn't think much of them, until now. He silently thanked them for such a chance. Then he quickly reminded them he would still become more powerful than them some day.

Zelda came up with the idea that they go on a picnic. She would even teach Vaati how to catch a fish without magic. He didn't know why she insisted on doing it the hard way but agreed anyway. They promptly set off for the Ol' Fishin' Hole with Link right behind them. On the way, he purchased a skunk.

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**-_- Yes I know, bad Sparta joke, but don't blame me. Blame the internet (a little bit) Internet is good :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**Yay. Today is the Day of Love -cue couple gift giving- **

**WARNING: This story is KrAzY**

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Zelda laid out a red blanket for the picnic right beneath a beautiful Oak tree. She set some wood down next to the blankets to be used to make a fire so that they could cook the fish. Vaati set down the basket Zelda had picked out. Inside were a bunch of delicious snacks like little cakes and pies and cookies and other pastries. It was quite strange for a picnic, but being strange himself, Vaati didn't mind. Zelda grabbed the fishing rods, handed one to Vaati, and sat at the edge of the pool. Vaati listened carefully, more like skeptically, when Zelda told him what to do.

They sat together making small talk while Link was sitting behind the giant Oak. It was wide enough to hide him. The skunk sat in his lap allowing Link to pet it. Link brought it to his face.

"You are such a sweetheart, Jennifer," Link whispered in a baby tone. "Oh, yes you are, yes you are! Who's a cute wittle skunk? You are!"

He heard one of the lines. He peeked around the tree to see Zelda struggling with the cast. She pulled and pulled. The fish fought against her pull. She screamed for Vaati. He quickly put his arms around her waist. Link smiled devilishly. _Too easy_, he thought. He made a scary face at the skunk and threw it close to Vaati. The skunk hissed in fear. Vaati looked down.

"Oh Dear Lords…" He whited out. The skunk screamed at him. The horrible, putrid, rotting carcass smelling liquid shot right out at Vaati. It was going for his arms, so he _removed them from Zelda _to avoid it. He picked the animal up carefully and threw it back towards the Oak. It went right for Link.

"No Jennifer! Don't!" Spccccchhhh!

Vaati sighed in relief for having dodged the liquid even though the smell remained. He even laughed lightly to himself. It was after his short laugh he remembered his mistake. He hesitantly looked at the pool where Zelda had just risen to the surface. Her blonde hair was covering her eyes and nose. She spit out a thin stream of pond water from her mouth.

"Thanks Vaati…" She said. The fish flopped onto her head, splashing and smacking her.

"You caught it," Vaati smiled nervously. Zelda growled at him.

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"Please don't go!" Vaati held onto Zelda's ankle desperately. He didn't want Princess Zelda to leave with a bad impression of him. He was even kinda hoping for a little kiss at the end, but she had to have a good time for that to happen. Zelda harshly looked down at Vaati's puppy dog face. It was so adorable, how could she refuse? She mumbled to herself.

"Fine Vaati!" Zelda snapped. Vaati got up.

"Don't worry! I'll be more careful this time, I promise on my damned soul."

"Sure, whatever, how about we go mountain climbing? That's fun."

_For who_, Vaati thought. He smiled on the outside but on the inside he was screaming, "mommy." Link peeked his head from around the corner. Jennifer was perched on his head having forgiven him only after being able to spray him. She squeaked. Link smiled.

"Oh don't worry Jennifer, we'll get them. Death Mountain is the only mountain they can climb." He chuckled evilly.  


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**Desperate Vaati is desperate XD**


	5. Chapter 5

**Yay. Today is the Day of Love -cue couple gift giving- **

**WARNING: This story is KrAzY**

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Zelda, now dressed in shorts and a tank top, jogged in place to stretch her legs for the fierce climb. Vaati looked up at the jagged cliff and gulped. He had never done anything so strenuous in his entire life. He tried to avoid these kinds of things actually. Zelda smiled at him. She proceeded to make clucking noises. That stirred Vaati up. He was going to conquer this mountain and win Zelda's love!

"Ready, Vaati? Let's go!" Zelda jumped onto the cliff, grabbing rock after rock that was jutting out from the wall. She tested the rock's sturdiness by jiggling it first. If it was steady she climbed up. Sometimes she would be risky and continue climbing even if the rock was loose. Vaati kept Zelda's incredible pace. She was a bloody princess! How could she do this? They rested on one of the bigger rocks jutting out of the wall halfway up the mountain. Vaati was tired of this "fun" activity; Zelda was determined to climb to the very top.

From a little more than halfway down, Link used his hawk eye to see that Zelda was almost out of water. She would have to come back down to fill it. There were two springs on Death Mountain, a blue one for drinking and a green one for making plants grow. Since Link's Minish Cap adventure, signs had been put up to differentiate between the two. Well, today they would be switched. Link hurried off to do just that.

Zelda noticed her water bottle was just about gone. That meant she would have to climb back down. Vaati insisted that he fill up the container for her. She gladly handed it to him. She would wait for him to return before climbing again. Vaati used magic this time to fly all the way down to the blue spring he had seen earlier. He was just about to dip the bottle in when he saw the sign:

CAUTION: This Water for PLANTS Only

Vaati ripped the bottle away from the water. Phew! That was a close one. He could have poisoned Zelda with that. Vaati followed the trail to the green spring. He looked at the green water bubbling in the spring. It was green so it must be chock full of healthy ingredients! Vaati happily filled the bottle and flew up to meet with Zelda. Jennifer and Link came from their hiding place laughing evilly.

Zelda gratefully took the bottle from Vaati. The bottle was opaque so she didn't notice the green water. She put the bottle of up to her lips and sipped it. Her face turned green. Vaati frowned. Uh-oh, this was not going to be pretty. Zelda emptied her breakfast and slight lunch on the cliff. Vaati shuddered. How disgusting. Zelda grabbed Vaati when she had paused.

"You…bastard…" She leaned over to throw up again. Link laughed from below. He didn't notice the chunks until it was too late.  


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**Forgive me 8D Link had to be "punished" somehow XD**


	6. Chapter 6 Final

**Yay. Today is the Day of Love -cue the cherubs- **

**WARNING: This story is KrAzY**

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Vaati had to chase Zelda this time to convince her to give him one last chance. She ran faster screaming her denial. The guards standing by the gate watched the chase. They just shrugged it off as Young Love. Finally though, Zelda accepted Vaati's apology. She grabbed Vaati by his silky, smooth hair.

"ONE more chance, Vaati, _got that_? If even one thing goes wrong, you will be _dead_!" She threatened in a low voice. Vaati laughed nervously.

"I understand." He promised. She let him go. What else could they do that wouldn't result in her being drenched or poisoned? She thought long and hard.

"Why don't we just sit and enjoy the scenery?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Zelda led Vaati to one of the most romantic spots in all of Hyrule. They sat side by side admiring the clear sky and the beautiful scenery. Vaati and Zelda exchanged interesting stories. They told each other about their favorite things.

Link couldn't take much more of this. Jennifer, who had moved into Link's inventory pocket due to the icky substance on his head, nodded in agreement. Link looked around for anything he could do. He wanted the last time to be completely Vaati's fault. It would be more enjoyable to Link, and maybe he wouldn't be caught in it this time. Link looked above the two and saw a hornet's nest, a large one at that. Perfect. Now, how to get Vaati to knock it down? Link looked at Jennifer. She sighed, hopped from the safety of Link's pocket, and went over to the tree. The little skunk struggled to climb in the tree onto a branch that was out of the hornet's way. She started to scream and shriek and beg and plead. Vaati looked up. He instantly recognized the little skunk. It had tried to spray him, how could he forget?

"Zelda, that skunk is stuck in that tree."

"So? It's stinky. Let it stay."

"I can't. I have this thing where I hate when misery isn't caused by me."

Zelda narrowed her eyes at him.

"Everything today happened to be coincidence." He added quickly. "But I have to save it!" He used a levitation spell to lift her up, but she held onto the branch tightly. Okay, that wouldn't work. Vaati tried climbing the tree, but he fell right back down to the ground. He looked up.

"Should I try shaking the tree?" He asked. Zelda shrugged. She moved over. She was now directly beneath the nest. Vaati used his magic to strengthen his shakes. The tree went back and forth quickly. Jennifer hung on for dear life while screaming. Vaati heard a clunk. The skunk must have died on impact with the ground. That sure was a hollow skunk if it made a clunk sound, almost like a hornet's nest colliding with the ground. Vaati turned around. Zelda was right next to the nest; the hornets began to emerge.

"I fucking hate you…" She said. The hornets attacked Zelda fiercely. She ran from Vaati cursing his name. She ran close to where Link was.

"Hey Zelda-" He started.

"Shut up Link! I'm still mad at you!" She ran faster with hornets right on her tail. Link sighed. Vaati walked over to him.

"Was this all your doing?" He asked, blank faced.

"Yep, you mad?"

"I'm too depressed to be mad. Some Valentine's Day this has been."

"Well, I got a new pet skunk out of this." Link pet Jennifer when she hopped back into his hands.

"I got a broken heart…" Vaati said.

"Then we're both happy!" Link exclaimed.

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**LOL no one got the girl. Crummy I know, but you can't expect all Valentine's Days to go as planned.**

**Thanks for reading!  
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